Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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