I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
