I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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