I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
