I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
