I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
