**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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