tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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