Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize