im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
