After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
