Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
