her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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