she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize