It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Holy sore nipples Batman
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize