I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
