He uses pillows to masturbate.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
