just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
