he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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