??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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