lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
