Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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