2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
