I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
foreskin is a definite game changer
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
