i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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