Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
A+ Viking dick
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
