every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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