I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
