I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
