You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
