I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
