dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
