..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize
