11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
