I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
