Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
