Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
