he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
