Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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