The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
