hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Oh god it's open bar.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
