Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
