1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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