i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
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