: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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