New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
