I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
the condom got lost in my hair
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize