I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
