Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
