Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
