Please don't use social media to get back at me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
