moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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