yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
