Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
