What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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