We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
