i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I think I am morally bankrupt
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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