there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
