I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
