I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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