my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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