I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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