What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
