Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
