u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Its about making memories worth repressing
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
