And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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