dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
