He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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