Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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