I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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